(This chapter was quite extensive so I broke down this chapter into two parts.)
SUMMARIZE:
‘Simply noticing’ is a method one can develop by being aware and paying attention. This method does not require asking why because by observing yourself and keeping an open mind, those questions will be answered as one develops this method. To simply notice focuses on ‘how’ one is not ‘why’. In fact, ‘thinking about’ is using those ‘why’ questions and is adverse to simply noticing because these are acts that the gremlin inside of you will use to disrupt your happiness; it removes you from your current experience. ‘Thinking about’ is not creative
By ‘simply noticing’ you experience yourself and your surroundings first hand without direct input from your gremlin and lets you “love and create naturally and fully.” This method is the first step and most important in the taming process. This develops the awareness within oneself which is an essential tool to remain grounded in reality and not become caught up in ones thoughts, fantasies, ideas, and memories. In this ‘dream world’, or as the author refers to it as “world of make believe”, one can relive the past, rehearsal for the future, attempt to make meaning out of what one observes in their daily life, and just to entertain oneself. This dream world is neither good nor bad but it prevents one from directly experiencing life as it is and it is helpful to be conscious of when one goes into this dream world. The book states, “Taming your gremlin does not involve withdrawing yourself from the world of make-believe. It simply involves making certain that you enter the world of make-believe by choice rather than by habit.”
Awareness can be defined and viewed in many different ways but to tame your gremlin, awareness implies to simply notice him at work. Differencing yourself from your gremlin by detecting his presence by becoming relaxed but staying focused. This is a difficult process to master because one must guide their awareness and gently focus their awareness from one thing to another. Breathing will aide this process as you observe the air movement through your nose, down the trachea and so forth. The breathing must be relaxed and not forced; only breathe in the air you want to breathe and do this at a comfortable pace. When attempting this process try not to let the mind and your focus wander but also apply words to this method like ‘allow’ versus words like ‘try’. You must allow yourself to surrender yourself to this method, not try to force yourself to focus. After awhile, switch your focus to your skin which “separates you from all other matter in the universe.”
Being grounded is a simply way to just be, without rules like ‘should’ or ‘ought to, and it another approach to taming your gremlin. This is a powerful reference to focus one’s awareness on the body, the world through the human’s sensory receptor, and the world of make believe. Another method of being grounded is “Now I am Aware” which focuses on one sense at a time: sound, sight, smell, touch, taste. When observing life around yourself, state phrases that begin with ‘now I am aware of…’. This lets thoughts enter your awareness to simply notice and then let them go. The end product of this results in detaching yourself from your gremlin and makes him easier to observe. This is the stage where one can begin to identify him like his shape, habits, concepts, size, and what his voices are or have been.
There are two distinct categories of awareness of habits: responding to feelings and responding to people. Responding to feelings is different from just thinking about your feelings. One can experience physical sensations not mental processes. Feelings can include everything from anger and happiness to sexual feeling and because of developed habits, we attach connotations with all these feelings that sometimes inhibit us from responding naturally to each feeling. For instance one may block anger because it is seen as evil or one may view sadness as a weakness. Due to this stifling of emotion there are possible physical repercussions such as shortening of breath when angry, eating when depressed, and drinking when sad. Body parts may actually feel physical pain as well. These habits range from minor irritations to a complete full-blown emotion. When emotions occur, simply notice them and realize when you choose not to express it and where. Who can you express these emotions to and why can’t you express it. Just observe and learn from these habits, do not attempt to force such change. Also observe your response to joy, sadness, and sexual feeling. These are three common emotions that become greatly suppressed and have bad connotations. Throughout this process, remember to simply notice and “operate out of choice rather than out of habit- operating out of habit will let your gremlin lead you into a state of misery.”
Responding to people are habits which your gremlin has established long ago. Your gremlin is judgmental and stereotyping characteristics in people which cloud your actual experience with preconceived notions. Sometimes these habits are realistic because you will know how to respond to someone in a certain way due to similar characteristics and past experiences. However, the world evolves and is different as an adult then from the perspective of a child, when these habits began to form. Some of these preconceived notions may be suitable and effective but they could also be outdated and take away from ones enjoyment of a certain individual. “As long as you operate out of habit you will limit your ability to enjoy yourself.”
Habits are cemented in place by fear and when you act out of these habits are you remaining in a safe state of security. The quality of life is dramatically affected by habits and people who truly enjoy themselves don’t feel the need to smile all the time. Your gremlin may use lines to keep you stuck in your habits: ‘if you risk changing you will lose all your friends, fail, be embarrassed, and be rejected.’ You feel if you don’t do things his way you will end up alone and in severe physical pain. Throughout this process, just simply notice and do not make rules and force yourself to change.
ANALYZE:
Even though simply noticing, remaining grounding, and being aware seems like a flimsy approach to taming your gremlin, it logically makes perfect sense. The overall theme of this chapter appears to reinforce the idea that one cannot force themselves to act a certain way or stop being and doing who they are. Forcing a change like so is just as destructive as the gremlin and will also limit their enjoyment to life. This chapter is all about realizing how you act and then noticing why. The author tends to repeat himself in each section but as a result, all the concepts presented are intricately linked together and build as the methods and processes are developed.
RESPONSE:
This chapter made a lot of sense to me and how I function. I didn’t realize that I do find sadness as a weakness and I generally cannot cry in front of someone who isn’t family. I also have always had this weird emotion with my boyfriend; whenever I feel as if I am being shafted or neglected at that present moment my hands will throb. This sensation never happens with anyone but the boyfriend. This is also my first big signal when I am emotionally invested in a certain guy which generally occurs past the sparkle stage. This has occurred since the 8th grade and with four boyfriends which each relationship had lasted at least six months and two relationships went beyond the one year mark. Currently I am single and once again I have been seeing this one guy in particular and literally while reading this chapter my hands began to hurt as I attempted to talk about a serious issue and he causally switched the topic. I discovered that my hands throb when I am not expressing my emotions towards him but I naturally don’t feel comfortable expressing these emotions because I have classified them as “childish and annoying”. Through developed habits I have built this shell around me where I do feel safe and protect myself from the unknown. My last boyfriend worked with me to break down this shell and by the end of the relationship when he did something which made me upset, I felt comfortable breaking down in front of him. Realizing this shell does exist made me want to begin to destroy it because it is not my partner’s job to make me function healthily and correctly respond to my feelings. I know this will be a long process and I am so willing to destroy this shell by myself because I did enjoy not having it in my last relationship and as a result, I know I am not forcing the change that this chapter stressed not to do.
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