Genetics.

It is a scientific fact that I am compromised of my mother and fathers DNA and therefore I will have qualities resembling theirs. So, I know where I get my anxiety from. My father is one to avoid conflict, will lie awake at night worrying about my brother and the bills, and will snap at any given moment if you don't deliver your burning question in a timely fashion. He will curse over spilt hot coffee and if he's really in a bad mood, there's no point in trying to be civil because talking to a wall might be more successful. His anxiety feeds on him like a tick, sucking his hope, his clarity of mind, and his optimism day in and day out. He will tell a story and I understand his thought process, actions, and intentions for I see myself in him. I am easy to say fuck it when conflict arises against me, quick to back out when I feel the odds are against me, confident in permanently cutting ties, and full of stress specifically of the unknown. We share this chaotic anxiety. 

But he's also the strongest person I know. He has seen the darkest of days and still has the will and want to continue searching for hope. His wife, my mother, battled breast cancer twice and still has checkups to make sure it hasn't come back. He settles her nerves, calms her tears, and holds her telling her "everything will be okay." My brother, age 24 still doesn't know his purpose in life or where his life journey will take him but nonetheless, my father supports him; emotionally and monetarily if he ever is in a bind. My dad still tries to help him live a life many do not have the opportunity to while still laying awake at night hoping he makes good choices. And he is taking care of my uncle, his older brother, who is unemployed still living in my deceased grandparents basement and slowly suffering from his alcoholism. My dad gives him support and hope even when my uncle forgets to return his phone calls. 

His burden to carry day in and day out is unimaginable. I realize that we all have our turmoil, our heartaches, and tragedies. But few know of the worries that weigh him down for he's never one to complain about what really causes his anxiety. He is our family's rock. He is my rock. We are all dependent on him for so much and yet my father carries on, pushes forward when most would  say fuck it or drink themselves into a depression. I only hope that when the time comes and I am faced with the struggles that make me want to crumble and crack, say fuck it, and drink myself into a drunken stupor, genetics better be kind and give me the strength to be as strong as he is, day in and day out. 

**This was an in class assignment with the prompt specifically asking to write about one's father and have a contrasting turn around giving a different insight on this character.