Climb Mountains

Climb Mountains- not so the world can see you, but so you can see the world. 

It's funny where inspiration comes from. 

For a good while I was getting my motivation from my kids at work who looked up to me and really, they kept me in line. Each summer for the camps I looked forward to each week's mashup of students to see what script and songs we could throw together to fit each individual's need. It was an challenge and a joy every time, each moment sticking with me and every performance kept getting better. 

But this year I need to find my inspiration elsewhere.

And quite frankly, this project came out of nowhere.

I have always enjoyed taking pictures. I am that one annoying friend at a party that will whip at my phone, demand a group picture, click profousouly a thousand times, and then continue to take candids the rest of the  night. Even though my friends are relentless with their groaning for this ritual of mine, behind closed doors or by a discreet text they kindly ask, "Uh, so can you send me those pictures from last night?" 

Bahahahaha. 

Though, I totally get how they don't want me to capture the moment when we all walk downstairs and find Cincinnati passed out on the floor. Photo cred actually belongs to Nic in this instance. 

 But then there are these moments...

...That are so worth capturing.

I realized something.
Besides the mild obsession, in general, I enjoy taking pictures of people.
Probably in high school I had considered being a photographer as a career (proof being how I forced Genia to pose for me around my house and neighborhood sometimes making her wear certain items of clothing... kind of like dressup, right?!) but I think I doubted myself due to the lack of versatility.
I only like taking pictures of people. Why this is so, I'm still trying to figure out. It could be my belief that nature is so beautiful and breath taking in the actual moment that a picture can't do the real thing justice. Very similar to being at a concert. I went to Pentatonix and Tegan and Sara this last year and even tho I did record some vids, it was more valuable to soak in the moment and pass up on technology. The experience cannot be recreated for me. I still find value in perhaps, recording history... for instance, I have a picture of my family's house for every season... but for fun and enjoyment? Ain't quite my cup of tea.


However, a friend came to me that was a sweet reminder of a part of myself that I haven't spent time with in a while.
He wanted more head shots and although I was hesitant with my rusty skills I was eager to take a whack at it. Four mosquito bites later, voila! It was a learning experience for both of us. Him being in front of the camera and me being honest and demanding with what I want to see. Hopefully before he takes off we will continue this project and I'll see where it takes me. Here's a little peak at what we got.

It's funny. Money really wasn't an issue. In my mind, I am not a professional and taking pictures is a hobby, a favorite pass time. Even after expressing this endeavor to my parents my dad responded, almost verbatim what Basze said,

"But don't you want to get paid for a hobby?"

I guess if there's anything I am stubborn about in life-- it's not faking it. Friends, relationships, work, school, music... waste of time. I respect titles, so I won't claim to have one until I work my ass off for them. So, accepting payment for something fun when I am not experienced seems very wrong. I don't know the details of what I am doing I just know what I think looks good and I go for it. I milk it. And I enjoy it. Getting paid to dink around on my nikon would be weird. For some reason I couldn't put that notion into words as he tried to persuade me to state a fee of some kind. 

But in the end, I think I'm getting more out of this project than he is. 

"The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so you better try to make yourself as interesting as possible."

"it must be hell inside your head" -L.Hofstadter

I arrive home, throw my keys on the chair and set the groceries on the table as I purposely catch his eye. He stands one foot in the kitchen and one foot in the living room, not a difficult feat in my tiny one-bedroom apartment, and he instantly reads my ashamed distraught stricken body language,

“Uhh, what’s up?"

“I did something bad.”

His stare hardens but remains concerned with the spatula frozen in his hand forgetting about dinner as he waits in anticipation of my ‘bad’ action. His logic:

“Did you hit something?”

My smile cracks through since he’s the one with the most recent driving record these last couple of months but I cave and say,

“Nooo…

…I bought chocolate.”

Relief sweeps over him as I sink into the couch arm-crossed and pouty. He sits beside with his arms wrapped around my shoulders, he kisses my cheek.

“But that’s a good thing!”

He was genuinely excited to see the sweets I bought even though my errands only included getting my prescription from Walgreens and returning the Big Bang disc we just finished watching. I totally indulged, went into Hastings rented the next two discs we needed (almost done with season five- yikes!) and then found myself at the candy aisle. Just to check out, Hastings pretty much stuffs the candy down your throat for you, you’re just still expected to pay the ridiculous three bucks for a Snickers.  But today I was on a mission and that mission was chocolate. So I got Hersey’s Cookies and Crème for me, king size Reese’s for him, and bite-size Kit-Kat’s for the both of us. Something just felt disgusting:

I guess for the most part, most of my unhealthy pleasures (besides my free meals at bclub!) are given to me. I rarely have to purchase something that tastes like heaven with the consequence of a kajillion calories. Okay, another lie. There is the occasion Taco Bell and unfortunately, wine is loaded with calories.

Whatever, you get the point.

It’s post finals week, I’ve been jolted into full-time at work and let’s just say I’m mentally and physically recovering. A little bit of my pride at work (because I’m sorry I swear I heard huzzafuhta which sounds nothing like turkado! Ugh, breathe…) and my feet screaming at me from being vertical all day. Regardless, I just wanted chocolate.

As I approached the check out stand I took note of the other customers surrounding me, the employees, and any living soul that could possibly be judging me, right? Everyone does this every once and a while. Which demonstrates who truly ashamed I was of this purchase… but I was still confident in my purchase, just dreading the small talk. Like really, what kind of conversation starters?

“Bad day?” ----- *Glare

“Girls night?” 

----- *Cries, “My best friends live miles away and I haven’t seen them in months.” 

(FACT- I did accidently start crying on the boyfriend after he complimented my dress. I remembered how Chantel wore it last and the statement made me miss her. But he didn’t know that tidbit… and as a result, I looked like that crazy girlfriend that cries over compliments. Ooops! To make is better I think that was the first time I cried in front of him …)   

ANYWAY, I was dreading awkward small talk and as his cologne crept across the counter and assaulted my senses, I handed him my Hastings card, thankful that at least I didn’t have any late fees.

“Did you see the 80 cents rack? I definitely bought a few on my lunch break.” 

He was referencing another candy aisle that apparently, I don’t imagine how, I didn’t see. I was so astonished, at his comment not the cheap price, that I bought a 1000 Grand even though I had no desire to actually eat it. His response couldn’t have been more perfect; it kinda brought me back to earth.

We humans are silly.

I usually am not one who is quick to judge but I still sometimes try to get into the heads of others when quite frankly, it’s impossible. And not worth it.  But I was so worn down from the semester and work that my thoughts were eating me alive. This guy was a great reminder for me to come out of my head, back to real life, and to continue giving zero fucks about the thoughts of others. If I want to eat chocolate, I’m going to eat chocolate, damnit! 

Those who mind don’t matter and the ones that matter don’t mind.

Needless to say, Ian also thoroughly enjoyed the 1000 Grand and I'm pretty sure it barely took 24 hours to consume all of this chocolate purchase.