Summer Realization No. 2

Not only do I believe this statement to be true, it made me realize something. 

Could this be the sole purpose of facebook?

Seriously. 

Are we really just trying to stay connected or creep on other people to make sure their life is not as fabulous as our own?

News flash.

Some friends I know are out living the life, whether it be in Seattle, San Fran, NYC, and their facebook does a miserable job of reflecting that. Could it be their lives are so freaking awesome they don't have time to worry about keeping in touch? Or perhaps they aren't photo fanatics... that could also be it. But really, I think fcbk can misrepresent the true happiness occurring in others lives. 

In return, the people who have enough time to polish their fcbk with photos and comments/statuses... are we all happy? Creeping on friends, on exes, on ex-friends... or people we barely know but in her profile picture she is wearing the cutest dress and we just get SO curious. 

I have to admit I am one of those people currently. I'm still adjusting to Moscow, being home, unpacking, cleaning, job searching, yard work... and also updating my facebook. It's not that I'm obsessed with creeping or that I don't have better things to do... I just get bored and seeing what other people are up to is an interesting distraction. And as a result... this quote made me wonder... what people display on facebook... or choose to put up... could be a very crappy depiction of how happy their lives actually are. 

Another good reason to blog. 

Takes time away from facebook. 

Summer Realization No. 1

Communication Skills.
I suck at them sometimes. Which is hilarious because I hate miscommunications and get frustrated when they occur because I feel I communicate my message very clearly.
But now I begin to second guess.
Do I not ask enough questions? That's sort of... rude.
I am the kind of person who will tell you every little detail if you ask me. Literally word vomit on your shirt. No secrets, no hiding. As a result of that, I don't ask questions sometimes because I don't like to pry...and I subconsciously assume each individual with return the word vomit. It is not because I care less, I just take statements as is. No questions asked!
I really noticed it one night at Piehole when I observed Jason getting to know one of his buddie's girlfriend. He took notice of her eating habits and asked,
"Are you vegetarian?"
"Yes. Why do you ask?"
"Just curious... you said you didn't like bacon and .... haha don't get defensive."
"Oh, I'm not. I guess I just always ask why."
That simple conversation hit me. I don't ask why enough.

Another reason I feel like my communication skills stink is due to interacting with old friends. Sometimes the reunion takes a rough start when you're adjusting back into the groove of each other. And I've had several moments in my head where I pause and second guess the communication... did I sound sincere? were they sincere? was that rude? was I supposed to return the sentiment?

I never feel comfortable returning any kind of sentiment... not because I don't feel the same way but because I feel phony.
"I missed you!"
"I missed you too!" <--- that is SO lame! it's like, I just took your idea and added "too" on they end of it and now it's just as sincere. I think not. Even rewording still makes me uneasy.
"I missed you!"
"I know! Sunday afternoons aren't the same without you!"
Gosh, it's not because I don't feel it... I'm just awkward about it. Let me be the first to express it and then you can add the "too." Problem solved.

Lastly, I wish I had TIME to keep better in touch with pals.
"Want to hang out tonight?"
"Party at BJ's- bring your gf;)"
Really. The latter just makes one a more personal person. And I wish I was.

Transition

For what you may not know... I began this blog because of an English assignment (refer to the first post)... slightly brilliant this teacher was. However, I want to keep this blog the same but add on. So I will no longer be analyzing this book chapter by chapter or section by section. I will wrap up with a summary on the rest of the book, because I indeed did finish it, and then begin with applying what I learned to real life situations... or perhaps note my realizations.

I've struggled with the idea of blogging. I very much have thoughts and opinions but I don't always find the time to sit down and write them or type them. That scares me. I feel less creative or that my thoughts will slip away and I will forget what I have overcome or how I got where I am today. I have this thing with not repeating mistakes or perhaps inventing a new method to do something faster or better. For instance, breakups. The last one... I knew what I was doing. I was listening to my disgustingly pathetic emotions and I knew that I didn't want to get back together with him. I knew that once we were back together and I was less emotional I would remember why we didn't work in the first place and how unhappy I was. I also knew the system. I would cry, uncontrollably, as everything reminded me of him... and I would take sleeping pills the first couple of nights and I would get up unbearably early to go on walks with my mom. I also knew I would be helplessly cynical. Not to mention breakups ALWAYS seemed to occur in the summer which meant I was definitely sleeping in between my parents every night and the birds chirping in the morning sometimes remind me of loneliness. HOWEVER, each breakup-- I've gotten better. Less crying. Less sleeping pills. More realistic self talk which eventually turned into, "you know you're just emotional... this all will pass." And yes, I have definitely improved my breakup grieving process each time but regardless, the pain itself is inevitable-- so don't think I'm dodging that too.

Excuse my tangent. My point is- I don't plan on being a blogger so everyone can see all my awesomely cool thoughts and see how great I think I am. That's one of the stigmas I think some bloggers have developed... which I realized was my biggest roadblock with continuing this blog. INSTEAD I am writing blogs so I can reflect back on my thoughts and see what progress I've made. I also type faster than writing... and I don't like my handwriting so keeping these thoughts in a journal sounds way too hard.

And the theme is realization.