Transition

For what you may not know... I began this blog because of an English assignment (refer to the first post)... slightly brilliant this teacher was. However, I want to keep this blog the same but add on. So I will no longer be analyzing this book chapter by chapter or section by section. I will wrap up with a summary on the rest of the book, because I indeed did finish it, and then begin with applying what I learned to real life situations... or perhaps note my realizations.

I've struggled with the idea of blogging. I very much have thoughts and opinions but I don't always find the time to sit down and write them or type them. That scares me. I feel less creative or that my thoughts will slip away and I will forget what I have overcome or how I got where I am today. I have this thing with not repeating mistakes or perhaps inventing a new method to do something faster or better. For instance, breakups. The last one... I knew what I was doing. I was listening to my disgustingly pathetic emotions and I knew that I didn't want to get back together with him. I knew that once we were back together and I was less emotional I would remember why we didn't work in the first place and how unhappy I was. I also knew the system. I would cry, uncontrollably, as everything reminded me of him... and I would take sleeping pills the first couple of nights and I would get up unbearably early to go on walks with my mom. I also knew I would be helplessly cynical. Not to mention breakups ALWAYS seemed to occur in the summer which meant I was definitely sleeping in between my parents every night and the birds chirping in the morning sometimes remind me of loneliness. HOWEVER, each breakup-- I've gotten better. Less crying. Less sleeping pills. More realistic self talk which eventually turned into, "you know you're just emotional... this all will pass." And yes, I have definitely improved my breakup grieving process each time but regardless, the pain itself is inevitable-- so don't think I'm dodging that too.

Excuse my tangent. My point is- I don't plan on being a blogger so everyone can see all my awesomely cool thoughts and see how great I think I am. That's one of the stigmas I think some bloggers have developed... which I realized was my biggest roadblock with continuing this blog. INSTEAD I am writing blogs so I can reflect back on my thoughts and see what progress I've made. I also type faster than writing... and I don't like my handwriting so keeping these thoughts in a journal sounds way too hard.

And the theme is realization.