Summer Realization No. 3

 I'm through accepting limits

'Cause someone says they're so.

Some things I cannot change

But till I try, I'll never know.

This isn't really a summer realization. I realized this last summer. When I got back involved with the theater. What was I doing down at ISU? Studying just voice? I really didn't know what I was doing. I was just going to get a degree. But what was I really wanting to do with it? 
It is true. You don't know how much someone, or in this case something, means to you until it's gone. And I didn't realize how much musical theatre meant to me until I went a whole year without it. 
I felt like I lost sight of who I was and where I was going my first year in a half in college. I want so bad to be a performer, but not of opera or classical music... but of Broadway shows. I NEVER once wanted to be a Music Education major... the only teaching I was interested in was a private voice studio. I cannot see myself as a high school choir director or at the collegiate level. That's not where I want to be. And I love kids... but teaching choir would not make me happy. 


It took me a good year to finally realize all of this. It wasn't until last summer when I was a Camp Instructor and director for the theater. I taught two weeks and one week, both morning and afternoon, were all under my instruction. This week's theme was called "Adventures in Wonderland" but instead of making it all about Alice, I tied together scenes and music from Wizard of Oz and Peter Pan. I had so much fun writing the script and casting all the children in their roles. Not to mention, I loved watching the kids grow and pick up all the theater etiquette, the music, and develop their characters. That was satisfying. 


It wasn't until I returned to school in the fall when the familiar feelings washed over me. I felt limited. I was not good enough. Not in my element. I felt like I was treading water, opposed to swimming. 


So that's why I transferred.
It had nothing to do with Pocatello, Idaho State, the professors... it had to do with what I wanted to do. I want to do musical theater as a career so I want my graduate degree to prepare me for that path. Alas, here I am and I'm the happiest I have been in a very long time.

Believe me, I was scared with this decision. I made leaps and bounds with my studies these past years... switching voice instructors is always a risk and really scary when things are going well. But I had opportunities waiting for me at U of I/ Moscow area and these opportunities were ones similar to what I want to do for a living. And thus far, even with new struggles with the Music Department up here, I know I have made the right decision. I'm back at the Regional Theatre of the Palouse for the second summer doing children's camps (busy, but loving it!) and I am in the upcoming production of Annie in the role of Grace, Daddy Warbuck's secretary. I'm moving in with my best friend, also a musical theater major, and I even got a real person's job that pays! Although I miss my friends and sisters like crazy-- and so far I can't stand the GREEK superficial atmosphere, I have my family here, and my kitties, and I feel at peace. Each day there is a different reminder that I did make the right decision.

"You helped me find my way
There's still so much to learn
So many dreams to earn
But even if I crash and burn ten times a day
I think I'm here to stay
I'm gonna find my way."