ch-ch-ch-changing!

It's funny how one small thing can change your life entirely. 

What prompted this realization is because the American Red Cross called me yesterday asking if I wanted to come donate blood in the Pocatello area. Of course now being in Moscow, I had to decline, because teleporting hasn't been discovered yet, and as a result I began to reflect on things such as this that have changed my life. 

For starters, I hate needles. And blood. And anything that involves the too. I can't touch my own wrists without getting the heeevy jeevys because I can feel ridges of stuff... I'm pretty sure if I wasn't already scared of scary movies, I couldn't like them because of the gore. Stabbing, slicing, arteries, blood, are all words that make my skin crawl. One time I accidently stabbed my finger cleaning out the blender and thank heavens one of my roommates was there because I almost passed out watching the blood spill from my finger. Yep, I'm a big pansy. I actually didn't think I was a big baby until I was in the hospital and the nurse drew blood from my arm, told me I was a trooper, and then shook the vile in front of my face... and I passed out. I don't know what in the world that nurse was thinking... but she probably scarred me, haha. 

As you could predict, giving blood was not ever a possibility for me. NEVER EVER would I willing let a nurse draw blood. 

Then, I became President of National Honor Society. This was my first big leadership role (after being VP of NHS) and one of the responsibilities I had was to run the American Red Cross blood drive that came to our high school. In a nutshell, I dominated that blood drive (because I'm super extensive and thorough! And had lots of awesome friends in NHS with me) and my advisors said it was the best blood drive thus far at our school. But ultimately, I felt guilty. 

How could I be so invested in a project and not participate myself? I felt like a faker and I knew I'd feel guilty if we didn't make our goal units too. Finally, at the end of the day two close friends finally peer pressured me to do it... and doing so changed me. I remember on the verge of tears, SO frightened as both Nick and Sarah stood by my chair coaching me through it. I remember to cheer me up they joked about they were going to go get our English teacher (who I had a ridiculous crush on at the time) to come talk to me and then when by chance the teacher showed up just to say hi, I actually started crying... oh, dear. It was happy tears if I remember correctly. For the record, I had a huge crush on him because he looked like Dean Winchester except more artsy and less give-them-hell attitude. 

Anyway, since then I sign up for blood drives whenever I can. One time I was visiting friends and my boyfriend in Idaho Falls and the neighborhood Lutheran church was holding a blood drive... and I just showed up. I haven't done too many but I keep an eye out and do it when I can. Did I mention I still hate needles and blood? I always prepare the nurse and say that I am really sensitive and I CANNOT watch them poke me etc... but it's definitely something I can do now. And thank goodness I got better about the needle thing then so when I had meningitis a month or so later, I was less panicky. 

This realization is all going back to how everything is all in your head. You can change who you are by either taking huge risks or by changing the small stuffy gradually with strong discipline. 

The lady who called me was able to check out the Moscow blood drives so I'm giving blood this Wednesday at the 1912 Center. I'm very nervous, that never gets easier, but just knowing I can do it and that someone somewhere will benefit from it makes the stressful process so very worth it.