Over the past couple of weeks I have gotten a lot of responses from people reading this. Caught me quite off guard and I found it kind of funny because for the longest time I was sure no one read this... But I run into people or they facebook message me... I'm glad someone else is getting something out of my writing. Pretty awesome.
I'm at a really weird place recently and I've been going through so much. Tons to mull over, a lot to consider, and so many emotions from all different directions. I have a lot to write about but with working three jobs theres not a lot of time to sit down and crank it all out.
However, I do want to record what I find currently makes me happy. Random things throughout the day will grab my attention and I've attempted to remember all of them. And this isn't just a one dimension emotion; this happiness literally fills my heart with warmness and makes me want to jump up and go hug someone or a tree or something. Corny? You bet! But you get the picture, right?
-Papa Murphy co- workers. I can get sick of pizzas but the friends I work with make my day every day. One just discovered how I hate compliments and then preceded to hit on me the rest of the day. The gang also likes to give me new names that they think are hilarious like The Merminator. And many more.
-The cats greeting me when I get home.. And them sleeping in with me until noon. Stupid I know but its tender.
-The boys having my back. These last couple of weeks have been a process and any time crap hits the fan they calm my worries and still hit me up the next day to do it all over again. Ha. They're also teaching me how to be single haha. They really are. I'm constantly taking notes. What I would do without them I have no clue.
-When I reached for chips and realized they were salt and vins, got excited, and then got super sentimental because I remembered that Chantie bought them for our bbq... And she hates those kind of chips. But she bought them for me because she knew I liked them. Yep, kind of a best friend.
-Driving and rocking out to the same song on repeat... All day. Also, a bonus with Chantel there.
-How my guy friends suggest that I give out their numbers instead of my own or will anti-wingman me at any given moment. Seriously, feeling the love.
-When the cops came to my house for a noise complaint... a few friends stayed outside on the porch with me while I talked to them. Me being good little old me, I was scared out of my mind! so knowing they had my back meant so much.
-My mom bringing me flowers when my kids had their performance.
-My students. Watching them perform a scene that I blocked and sing a song I taught them. It's the best.
-Thinking my dad was finally fed up with me going out with friends every night... Feeling guilty... And then the next morning he wakes me up for work with my favorite drink from Starbucks. Who needs a man when you got a dad like mine?
-Dancing. I just discovered Stubblefields and I'm pretty sure I'll be going there pretty regularly... No judging though because I don't need alcohol in my system to dance.
- A friend giving me his jacket when I'm cold. Or buying me a drink .
-Somebody valuing my opinion.
-My neighbor girl surprising me with a flower the second I pull up to my parents house. She also showed me her cool bike skid marks she made that day. Shes maybe seven.
-Laying on the lawn watching a movie on the big screen.
-Working out. Never thought I'd ever say that one but now if I miss a day I feel out of sorts. By working out to music, I def escape to a world of my own for an hour or so.. And that puts me at such a better place.
-Working at the Breakfast Club. Only my second day and I feel at ease with my coworkers. Stacy and I have def already had some awesome conversations while catching up on the dishes... even though he says I am a traitor since I haven't seen Diehard... and Top Gun. He also said he was surprised I am single... haha which was flattering.
-Random late night phone calls. Phil gets the win on this one since we def called me from Vegas... I wonder if he'll remember talking to me tomorrow.
-People giving me crap. It's a sure sign that they are comfortable with me... and as long as it is all in good humor I can def dish it back.
-My dad giving me advice on guys. He thinks like an economist but it is totally valid advice.
-Interesting people. Why surround yourself with the boring ones? I like substance in my life.
Alright. All for now.
Just so everyone knows... I'm okay. I know I had a lot of people worried there for awhile... my life has completely changed in the matter of weeks and I'm just rolling with it. It's definitely been rough... and the only thing I've noticed about myself is I think I have developed this hard exterior shell. It takes more to get to me and more to soften me. I can still get hurt but my recovery rate is quicker. I care less about things I used to. I can't fathom how I used to think before. My walls are definitely built all around me- not wanting someone to climb over them or break them down... just waiting for an opportune moment to let someone in. I'm not wearing my heart on my sleeve. For once.
my burden to bear is a love I can't carry anymore.
separate the ones who know you from the ones who couldn't bother to see you for all that you are.
I can be alone yeah, I can watch a sunset on my own.
you turned your back on tomorrow. because you forgot yesterday. I gave you my love to borrow. but you just gave it away. You can't expect me to be fine. I don't expect you to care. All of our brides burned down. I wasted my nights, you turned out the lights, now I'm paralyzed still stuck in that time when we called it love but even the sun sets in paradise. if happy ever afters did exist- I'd still be holding you like this.
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